Why Self-Care Isn't Selfish:  How to Ditch the Guilt and Drama

Do you feel guilty when you take time to take care of yourself? If so, you are definitely not alone. When talking to women, one of the biggest barriers to practicing self-care is guilt. We, as women, often feel incredibly guilty for tending to our own needs.

That's why I want to talk about the importance of self-care and why it's not just a luxury but a necessity. Taking time just for you isn't easy for everyone. It can bring up many feelings, including guilt or the belief that you don't deserve to take that time for yourself. If you feel this way, I hope to offer some food for thought and some suggestions to make this easier.

The dictionary defines self-care as:

  • The practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health.

  • The practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.

In fact, there is no right way to do self-care. That is because the truth is: You get to choose exactly what your self-care means to YOU!

Whether it's from society, our families, or just in our own heads, there's this belief that taking care of yourself leaves less time and energy for others. But, in actuality, taking care of yourself can help you to be more present for and have more energy to be able to take better care of others.

Think about it...when you are stressed, burned out, and feeling pulled in 500 different directions, you often can feel more impatient, less tolerant, and more reactive. But taking care of yourself first puts you in a better frame of mind.

When Being Self-Centered is Helpful

Sometimes we can actually be of better service to those around us by being a little self-centered. This doesn't necessarily mean that you are selfish or narcissistic; it doesn't mean you are taking away from others or doing things at the expense of others. By "self-centered," I mean putting yourself and your well-being first. When you have strong roots and a solid foundation, you are less easily swayed or moved when life comes at you full force trying to knock you down.

By putting yourself first so you don't wear yourself so thin that you have nothing left, in turn, this actually means you have more energy, patience, and understanding to give to others.

Protecting Your Resources

Your energy is a finite resource. Think of it like your bank account. You have so much money available to you. You can't spend more money than you have, or you run the risk of bankrupting yourself. You also can't invest your money into making more money if you've given it all away. The resources that you have to share with others depend on how well you have conserved, accumulated, and protected your account.

Avoiding Resentment

Have you ever agreed to something that you really didn't have time to do or that you didn't really want to do because you felt guilty saying no? How did you feel? Most likely, you felt some level of resentment. And that's a miserable feeling. As you're doing whatever the task is, you end up feeling bitter or put out, and angry with yourself for not just saying no. When you give more than you can spare or more than you really want to, you just end up feeling resentful and worn out.

When you practice self-care, it actually allows you to better take care of others in your life, and you can do so without the feelings of resentment or being exhausted – self-care really is about taking care of others as well.

When talking about self-care, I don't mean mani-pedis or massages – though those can certainly be included. It's really about taking care of the whole you – mind, body, and soul. The self-care that I'm referring to includes how you nourish your body, prioritize sleep and movement, manage stress, and take time to do things that YOU enjoy to refresh and recharge YOU. Self-care can even include asking for help when you need it!

If you know you need to add a little self-care to your routine, here are a few tips to help you to do so without the guilt!

  1. Know that you ARE worth it. When trying to lose weight or improve your health, learning to put yourself first isn't just okay, but it's really a non-negotiable. Taking time for you so that you can decompress and recharge can help you to be more resilient when life gets bumpy. You are better able to ride out those stressful situations, which can help to reduce the negative impact that chronic stress can have on you both physically and mentally.

  2. Give yourself permission to focus on YOU! Find a mantra that works for you when you need a little reminder that it's okay to take time for yourself. Saying something like "It's okay to take this time for myself; this downtime will help me to be better to those around me." Choose whatever wording works for you and repeat it as often as needed. It may seem silly or forced at first, but the more you repeat it, the more you'll believe it.

  3. Remind yourself that the people who care about you want you to take care of yourself! Your spouse, kids, friends, coworkers care about you – they don't want you to feel stressed and overwhelmed to the point of making yourself sick and miserable. They want you to be healthy and happy too. And your interactions with them will be much more positive and enjoyable when you are not constantly feeling pushed to the brink. Your loved ones actually NEED for you to focus on your own health and happiness so that you can be fully present with them.

  4. Learn how to say "no." If you are someone who tends to be a people-pleaser, this can be a hard one. I totally understand, because this was me! Unfortunately, too, you may have some loved ones who are used to you always agreeing to every request, who may have a hard time adjusting to your new boundaries. But those boundaries can also be a really important component to a healthy relationship. When you put yourself on the top of your own to-do list – without guilt – you are reminding yourself that your health and well-being is your top priority. And even if that's a big change for those around you, by being that example, they will learn to respect those boundaries you have set.

  5. Brainstorm quick ways to take care of yourself. Self-care doesn't have to require a big investment in time or money. It can be as simple as finding 10 minutes to enjoy your coffee by yourself, or it can be micro-moments like taking 5 deep breaths before starting your day, or spending 2 minutes stretching. It can be the 30 minutes you dedicate to your workout each day, or a few minutes to journal. It can be whatever helps you to relax and do something that feels good to you.

  6. Self-care increases your confidence. Self-care reinforces to yourself that you are worthy – always! Not just after accomplishing a big goal or tackling a mile-long to-do list. This sends messages to your brain that you are worth the time and effort to be taken care of. This can help you to feel happier and more confident in all areas of your life: work, relationships, and accomplishing goals. Those that practice regular self-care tend to be better at setting healthy boundaries because they are clear about their own needs and aren't afraid to advocate for themselves.

  7. Self-care helps regulate your emotions. Think about those times when you have been super stressed out. How did you handle the additional things that came up in your life during those times? When you are already feeling overtaxed, irritable, and tired, it often just takes something really small – something that at any other time would be a minor annoyance – that now makes you want to snap. When we are feeling overwhelmed, it makes it really hard to try to control our emotions. But when you practice self-care, this can help you regulate those negative, seemingly uncontrollable emotions – it helps you to be able to think more clearly rather than just being reactive to the situation.

  8. Taking care of yourself helps you to be better equipped to handle stress. We talked about what chronic stress can do to your body. You are more inclined to be moody, irritable, and have a negative frame of mind; this all makes it really hard to handle any new stressors that pop up. When you practice self-care, you are helping to activate your body's relaxation response. Even a temporary break from that constantly stressed-out state can help alleviate the stress just enough that you can face new problems with a fresher, more patient perspective.

  9. Do it for your immune system! Self-care practices like eating healthy, exercising, and allowing time to rest and rejuvenate can help strengthen your immune system. When you don't make time for these things, chronic stress can set in, which will affect your immune system, making you more susceptible to getting sick. Having regular self-care practices can positively affect both your emotional and your physical health. It gives you time to recharge a bit – which we all need!

  10. Your needs are just as important as everyone else's. Just when and where did we pick up that giant lie that somehow our needs aren't as important as everyone else's? Is it society or social conditioning or something else that gave us the idea that in order to be a good wife/mother/daughter/friend/coworker that we must put everyone ahead of ourselves? Most of us don't hesitate to encourage those in our lives to take care of themselves, to take a time out to rest or do something that they need to wind down or decompress, but why don't we think we deserve the same advice for ourselves?

So, What Does Self-Care Look Like for You?

This will be different for everyone, and that's the way it should be. Your self-care can look like anything that helps you.

For me, self-care means taking at least 45 minutes to move my body every day, not because I feel like I have to or to try to “burn more calories” but because I love the way it makes me feel – I love feeling strong and capable, and the stress relief I get from it is a big bonus. I also try to make my sleep a priority – sometimes this one can feel a bit out of our hands – but I do everything in MY power to do my best to get a good night's sleep. It also means feeding myself well and allowing myself some downtime each day to just decompress and let go of the day. Some days this may be an hour, others it might be 10 minutes.

To me, these are not luxuries. These are things I do purely because they are things that I enjoy and that support both my mental and physical health – and I know for me – when those things are in check, I can be much more present and supportive to others around me.

So, what do you think you can realistically do to add a little time for yourself each day? What will help you to feel taken care of? What will help you to decompress? This might be something different each day, but I encourage you to start thinking of ways that you can add a little self-care to your life. Treat your self-care time like a non-negotiable appointment. Block it out in your calendar, just like a work meeting or a child's activity. When you do take that time for yourself, even a few minutes, acknowledge it! Celebrate that small win and remind yourself how much you deserve it.

THE BOTTOM LINE

  • Your needs are just as important as anyone and everyone else’s!

  • Taking better care of you means you can take better care of others.

  • You are always worthy of taking time to care for yourself.

  • Your version of self-care can be whatever you want it to be (there are no rules!).

I hope that these strategies and ideas are helpful in allowing you to look at self-care differently. The reality is self-care is not a luxury, and when it comes to your health, it's not optional – it is a 100% necessity!

Ready to Make Self-Care a Non-Negotiable Part of Your Journey?

Embracing self-care isn't just about feeling good; it's a powerful step towards achieving your health and weight loss goals. If you're ready to break through plateaus and create lasting changes, I've got another free resource to help you get started.

DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE WEIGHT LOSS UNSTUCK GUIDE HERE!