Why You Sabotage Your Diet (And How to Stop!)
Have you ever gotten to a point in your weight loss journey when things seem to be going smoothly, you’ve lost some weight and maybe you’re even getting close to reaching your goals, and then BAM! All of a sudden you find yourself off the rails...again?
Often it starts with something that seems small or a perfectly innocent thought like “I’ve been really good all day, I deserve to have a scoop of ice cream…” only to find a little bit later you’ve polished off the whole pint.” Or having that piece of a brownie that someone left in the lunchroom and then that turns into... “Well, I’ve already screwed up today I might as well eat what I want and get back on track tomorrow…” but then tomorrow just continues the downward spiral.
Often, it's our own minds that become our biggest hurdle when your thoughts begin to affect our behaviors. For example, when you start a weight loss plan, you feel motivated, you have a positive attitude and you believe “I can do this!” But over time, when life gets hectic and things start to feel harder, something happens to those beliefs - they flip from “I can do this” to “this is too hard, I can’t do this”.
It's really frustrating when you want something so badly and you work so hard to get it, but then find yourself slipping backwards - sometimes not even realizing it's happening until it's too late.
We start feeling guilty, blaming ourselves for not being strong enough, for always sabotaging our own efforts - efforts towards goals that we want so badly but just can’t seem to reach. Each time this happens compounds on the last and can really mess with what we think about our ability to be successful.
There are several reasons why self-sabotage can seem to keep popping up in our lives and keeping us from what we want most, and some of those reasons don’t actually have to do with the food, but rather the beliefs and thoughts that run through our heads non-stop on a daily basis. Sometimes, it's an unconscious fear of what life might look like without this struggle, or perhaps our identity has become so intertwined with the journey itself, that reaching the destination feels unfamiliar or even scary. All of those things that you tell yourself - whether consciously or unconsciously - can have a powerful effect on your feelings, behaviors, and your results.
Your emotions can play a big role in this, especially if you rely on food to cope with negative emotions like stress, anger, frustration, loneliness, sadness, or even boredom. Even positive emotions can trigger emotional eating. Like when you eat in response to feeling happy, excited, or wanting to celebrate.
For many of us, self-sabotage becomes almost a coping technique for all of life's challenges and hassles of daily life. Nevertheless, whatever the trigger that is driving you to eat, the outcome is usually the same - eating doesn’t actually do anything to change or improve the situation, but now you feel the additional guilt and stress over feeling like you just ruined all your hard work.
For some, it may be a quick return to old eating behaviors, for others, it may be slow and gradual.
A lot of us get caught up in the perfection trap – meaning if we don’t do it perfectly, if we don’t follow the “plan” to a tee then it doesn’t count or we have somehow screwed up all the hard work we put in. We let one indulgence turn into many and then find ourselves right back at square one.
Does any of that sound familiar? If so, you are not alone.
I think most of us who have tried to lose weight before have experienced this a time or two… or ten...
For many of us, this tends to be worse at night, when we find ourselves stuck in the habit of eating our feelings, emotions, or stress from the day. Don’t get me wrong, this can happen at any time of day, but night time seems to be the hardest for a lot of the women I talk to. We can get through the day just fine, then we get home, we get through making dinner, cleaning up, helping the kids with homework and getting ready for tomorrow - all the things we have to do after an already hectic day then when we finally get a minute to ourselves to collapse on the couch, our resistance and willpower is low. That's when those “I deserve it” thoughts creep in or it may even just be that you're so darn tired you’re just over it - and that seems to be the time when it's really easy to fall into temptation.
This is part of the reason in one of the earlier modules I mentioned wanting to get away from the idea of food being “good” or “bad”. As we already talked about, what’s good for one person could be bad for someone else, or vice versa. So when we get into that thought process of “I was good all day…” What does that really mean? Does that mean I fed myself really well and felt satiated and satisfied all day, or does it mean, I was in ‘diet mode’, restricting myself and not eating according to hunger but rather eating to my allotted calorie count - which can then lead to actually feeling out of control when it comes to food and hunger.
The problem with being “good” means that we have the potential to be “bad.” The way that we eat doesn’t need these labels, because once we start labeling our diet like that, then we run the risk of going off track and causing ourselves to feel defeated and guilty, those feelings often then lead to more restriction or feeling we need to punish ourselves.
This vicious cycle of being “good”, followed by going off track and being “bad”, can happen for so many reasons. I think the main reason we get into this cycle is because of the thought process that this creates - being good equals reaching our goals, being bad equals - I just screwed up all my hard work - but is it always that black and white? Is it really having the occasional treat that's the problem or is the thought process that goes through our heads when we think we’ve done something wrong or bad?
When your idea of being good, includes getting into the habit of “dieting” or not really eating according to hunger and satiety but eating more to a calorie allotment or eating as little as possible in order to speed up our weight loss, that can lead to more hunger, cravings, feeling deprived and feeling miserable.
We start losing touch with our hunger cues and instead we get into that diet mindset of calorie restriction and ignoring hunger. We eat a small breakfast, or maybe skip it altogether in favor of just having coffee, then have something like a salad for lunch, and then a normal dinner, but then all hell breaks loose at night when now we’re tired, hungry, and feeling deprived from not eating enough all day.
We also create this habit of eating when we are not hungry but instead eating when we are happy, sad, stressed, bored, angry, etc. We feed emotions, not actual hunger. At the end of your day you don’t have the power to say NO anymore so you give into the emotions. Now, there could be some hunger there but we cannot tell the difference between the hunger or the emotion anymore.
Let's discuss some things that you can do to avoid that slippery slope of self-sabotage.
Look to Your Past Experiences. Think back to when you’ve tried to lose weight before. What happened to cause you to go off plan? Was it a feeling? A certain situation? Not being prepared? Feeling deprived? See if you can identify what you felt or what happened when you went off plan.
This will obviously be different for everyone, but once you can identify the cause or causes, you can start putting strategies in place for the next time those feelings crop up or when you’re faced with a similar situation. For example, if stress is a trigger for you, try to identify your initial physical or emotional signs of stress so you can be aware when they show up.
This may sound odd, but many of us are so used to operating in stress mode that we become almost numb to it. Recognizing it is crucial. When you notice you’re stressed and start to reach for the bag of pretzels, you’ll not only know why you’re reaching for it, but you'll also have a plan to stop the mindless eating.
IF/Then plans are helpful in these types of situations. That means coming up with plans like "If this happens, then I will…" - that might look something like: "If I start to get that stress knot in my stomach that makes me want to reach for the junk food, then I will go for a walk instead to help relieve stress and get myself away from the pantry."
Reframe How You Think About Food. Instead of thinking of food in terms of “good” or “bad” - try to get used to thinking of it as just food - some foods being more supportive to your goals than others - reframe those “bad” foods as occasional “treats”. The more negatively you talk about your food, the more guilt, shame, and regret you will create, and the sabotage cycle will continue on.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up. Hopefully now you will feel a little bit more in control of your food and making conscious food decisions and know that those choices don’t reflect on you as a person. But this can be a hard habit to break.
For many of us, this negative self-talk has been going on for decades, so changing that won’t likely happen overnight, but try to pay attention to the things that you are saying to yourself. When you let the negative self-talk start to spiral in your head, it just perpetuates the cycle of wanting to eat away our feelings.
If you find those old thoughts creeping in, counteract them: for every mean thing you say to yourself, you owe yourself one positive statement. Also remember the all that it takes to get back on track is making a better choice at your next meal. Don't let one moment dictate the rest of your day or week.
Eat! (Stop Restricting). Stop restricting food or forcing yourself to push past hunger all day. That just sets you up for failure. You can only willpower yourself through that for so long - after a long day it makes it way too easy to have an "eff it" moment later on. Instead, eat real, whole, nutrient-dense foods (like protein, healthy fats, and non-starchy vegetables) and eat until you feel satiated.
Make a "Foods Without Breaks" List. Remember those foods we call 'foods without breaks' – the ones that, once you start eating them, it's really hard to stop? It's a really good idea to start identifying those. For me, it's milk chocolate and tortilla chips – no, not together, but those are two things that I will just keep eating until they’re gone – whether I’m hungry or not. Make a list of what those foods are for you. If you can, do NOT bring these foods into the house; instead, enjoy them away from home - at restaurants or on special occasions.
If you must keep them in the house to keep the peace with your family, put them in a place where they are off-limits (like a shelf, drawer, or separate cabinet that you don’t go into) - though I still stand by what I said before that if your brain knows they’re there - it will seek them out when old habits want to creep in.
Stock Up Smart! Try to always keep foods in the house that you enjoy, foods that are convenient to eat but are not going to make you lose control. Make sure to have supportive choices on hand for those crazy days when you just don’t have time to or don’t feel like cooking. It's those days where it's really easy to just cave in and order pizza. Be honest with yourself and find foods that are enjoyable but don’t send you off the rails.
Self-Care Increases Your Confidence. Self-care reinforces to yourself that you are worthy – always! Not just after accomplishing a big goal or tackling a mile-long to-do list. This sends messages to your brain that you are worth the time and effort to be taken care of. This can help you to feel happier and more confident in all areas of your life: work, relationships, and accomplishing goals. Those that practice regular self-care tend to be better at setting healthy boundaries because they are clear about their own needs and aren't afraid to advocate for themselves.
Self-Care Helps Regulate Your Emotions. Think about those times when you have been super stressed out. How did you handle the additional things that came up in your life during those times? When you are already feeling overtaxed, irritable, and tired, it often just takes something really small – something that at any other time would be a minor annoyance – that now makes you want to snap. When we are feeling overwhelmed, it makes it really hard to try to control our emotions. But when you practice self-care, this can help you regulate those negative, seemingly uncontrollable emotions – it helps you to be able to think more clearly rather than just being reactive to the situation.
Taking Care of Yourself Helps You to Be Better Equipped to Handle Stress. We talked about what chronic stress can do to your body. You are more inclined to be moody, irritable, and have a negative frame of mind; this all makes it really hard to handle any new stressors that pop up. When you practice self-care, you are helping to activate your body's relaxation response. Even a temporary break from that constantly stressed-out state can help alleviate the stress just enough that you can face new problems with a fresher, more patient perspective.
Do It For Your Immune System! Self-care practices like eating healthy, exercising, and allowing time to rest and rejuvenate can help strengthen your immune system. When you don't make time for these things, chronic stress can set in, which will affect your immune system, making you more susceptible to getting sick. Having regular self-care practices can positively affect both your emotional and physical health. It gives you time to recharge a bit – which we all need!
Your Needs Are Just As Important As Everyone Else's. Just when and where did we pick up the idea that somehow our needs aren't as important as everyone else's? Is it society or social conditioning or something else that gave us the idea that in order to be a good wife/mother/daughter/friend/coworker that we must put everyone ahead of ourselves? Most of us don't hesitate to encourage those in our lives to take care of themselves, to take a time out to rest or do something that they need to wind down or decompress, but why don't we think we deserve the same for ourselves?
At the end of the day, we are all human, and emotional eating happens. Just remember if it does happen it doesn’t reflect on you as a person - it doesn’t mean you are weak or not committed or that you aren’t capable of sticking to something.
And this is not to say don’t ever have a treat - quite the opposite - we just need to be able to have treats from time to time without thinking that “I’ve just completely blown it - I might as well throw in the towel”. It's not usually the actual treat that is the problem, it's the thought process that goes through our heads afterwards that is. That negative self-talk of failure, or giving up, or not being perfect - that's the part we need to put a stop to.
Imagine being able to have a treat - enjoying the heck out of it - and then it being no big deal. You didn’t blow it or ruin anything - you just get right back on track with your very next meal!
Ready to stop the self-sabotage cycle and truly set yourself up for success? Download your FREE Goal Setting Worksheet today and start building the clear, achievable path to your health and weight loss goals!