Dealing with Food Pushers
"Just try a little bit!" "C'mon, a few bites won't hurt!" "Everything in moderation!” “Live a little!"...
We've all heard those words – heck, we may have even said them. But when you have health or weight loss goals, navigating social situations where someone tries to encourage you to eat something you don't really want can be tricky. So lets talk about why people feel the need to push food, and some tips and strategies you can use if or when this happens to you.
We often refer to these people as "Food Pushers." They usually mean well; most often, they just don't want you to feel left out. Most have the best of intentions, but their persistence can stir up a lot of discomfort or awkwardness.
Before we go further: Even if you're striving for a healthy lifestyle and are very intentional about your food choices, it's okay to indulge when it's truly worth it to you. Always own that decision and enjoy every tasty bite. This isn't about perfection, but rather providing ideas and strategies for those times when you genuinely don't want to indulge and want to navigate those situations confidently.
There will always be social situations that include foods you don't want – or foods that don't align with your current goals. Nevertheless, you should feel comfortable and confident honoring your choices. Whether it's something your body doesn't tolerate well, something that doesn't appeal, or a food that just doesn't fit your goals right now, you want to be able to navigate the situation gracefully, without making a big deal, stressing yourself out, hurting anyone's feelings, or making someone else feel uncomfortable about their own food choices.
I've learned to be pretty selective about what, when, and how I indulge. If something isn't totally worth it, I have no problem politely saying "No, thank you." But it wasn't always that easy; I have years of practice under my belt now! As a result, I've figured out a few strategies that work in these situations, and I want to help you handle a food pusher with confidence.
What is a Food Pusher?
A food pusher is someone who encourages you to overeat, eat off-plan, or consume something you truly don't want at that moment. These people often don't accept your first "no, thank you" and continue to press further.
Why Do People Push Food?
There are many different types of food pushers and many reasons why they may insist you eat more. Most often, these reasons come from a good place:
Showing Love/Affection: They may express affection by preparing and sharing food, or genuinely love a dish and want to share that enjoyment with you.
Sharing the Experience: True "foodies" love the entire experience around food – cooking, dining out – and want to share it with those around them.
Seeking Validation/Praise: They might enjoy preparing dishes and experiencing the reaction and praise for their cooking skills.
Unfortunately, some motivations might not be as supportive:
Insecurity/Guilt: They may feel better about their own less-healthy choices if someone else joins in.
Resistance to Change: If you're making healthy choices, they might feel subtly pressured to do the same, and they aren't ready or willing. If you were previously a "partner in crime" for eating, they might fear losing that bond.
Jealousy/Sabotage: Some may even be jealous of your commitment or progress, leading them to consciously or unconsciously try to sabotage your efforts.
No matter their intentions, you are the only one who gets to decide what you eat.
Common Food Pusher Phrases:
"One bite won't hurt."
"Calories don't count on holidays/special occasions/Fridays!"
"You deserve it!"
"Don't be a party pooper!"
"You don't need to be dieting anyway."
"Loosen up and have some fun!"
The most insistent food pushers don't give up easily, which means it's even more important for you to know your own boundaries (and how to enforce them). Remember, you are the only person who decides what and how much you eat. That may mean one day you decide to have dessert with everyone, but the next time you choose to opt out. You get to decide.
The more often you stick to your guns, the more readily they will accept that your "no, thank you" actually means "no." Remember that YOU are the one who ultimately has to deal with the consequences of indulging or overeating, not them. So, you are the one that gets to make the decision.
It can be helpful to remember that when you respond to a food pusher, even though they are trying to get you to eat something you don't want, it's often not truly about YOU at all. Most of the reasons people pressure others to eat aren't even about you – it's really about the pusher themselves.
Strategies to Handle Food Pushers with Confidence:
Below are several ideas you can try to make those food-pusher situations feel less awkward and uncomfortable. Pick and choose, mix and match for whatever feels most doable for you or whichever one fits your particular situation best. If this feels out of your comfort zone at first, don't worry – each time you do it, the easier it gets, and the more empowered you'll feel for standing up for yourself and your needs.
Polite, Firm & Pivot: Your response should be polite but firm, so the person knows you aren't looking to be convinced. We often feel like we need to provide a story or excuse, but a polite "No, thank you, I'm good" should suffice. Then, if you can, change the subject. Ask them something about themselves – their new job, their kids, their recent vacation. People love to talk about themselves, so get their mind off the need to convince you to eat.
Avoid the "D" Word: It's often our natural instinct to use the word "diet" when explaining why we aren't eating certain foods, but this can invite more peer pressure. When you mention "diet" in a social situation, most people hear weight loss, deprivation, and no fun, prompting them to try to convince you otherwise. To make things easier for you, I suggest avoiding this word when others are indulging in foods you've declined.
"I'm Not Hungry" / "I Already Ate": This works well for casual gatherings, baby showers, or lunch meetings. "Thanks, but I'm not hungry. I already ate." Say it nicely and with a smile, then use the distraction technique by asking them something about themselves. "I can't wait to hear all about your trip! How was it?" It's hard to pressure someone to eat when they've just told you they're not hungry.
"I Don't Tolerate (Insert Food Here) Very Well": When you make it about your health or how something makes you feel, it's hard to argue. Most people don't want you to feel bad or get sick. "Thank you, but I've found I don't tolerate dairy very well anymore, so I'm going to pass." Then, change the subject!
Talk It Out (Especially for Family): Sometimes the most difficult people to get through to are family members, especially those who equate food and cooking with showing love. For these people, it can be helpful to have a heart-to-heart outside of the moment. Lovingly and honestly explain why you are or aren't eating certain things, whether it's to reach your goals or because your body doesn't react well to certain foods. Avoid being defensive; instead, tell them how much you care and how much their support means to you.
Bring Something to Share: When appropriate, offer to bring food to share. Bring something you know you'll be able to eat and that others will enjoy. This ensures you'll have something supportive on your plate. A crowd-pleaser is a charcuterie board, or a nice salad or fruit salad can fit alongside most meals.
The "Stall" Tactic: When it comes time for dessert, you might say, "I would, but right now I'm stuffed and I just wouldn't enjoy it," or "Maybe in a little bit, I'll have some; right now, I'm just too full." This buys you time and acknowledges their offer without a direct "no."
Pre-Eat Strategically: Before attending an event where tempting foods or food pushers might be present, eat before you go.. When you're genuinely not hungry, it's much easier to decline or make mindful choices.
Offer a Non-Food Alternative: Shift the focus away from the food. You can say, "I'm just so happy to be here catching up with everyone!" or offer to help with a non-food task. Engage in conversation or activities that don't revolve around eating.
Acknowledge & Compliment (Without Eating): If someone offers you something they've made, you can acknowledge their effort without eating it. "Oh, that looks amazing! You're such a wonderful cook, Aunt Carol. I'm just really full right now, but maybe later!" This validates their effort without committing to eating.
The Bottom Line:
Ultimately, you’re a grown ass adult and it's your body, and you get to decide when and what you eat. Learning to say no and set your own boundaries – instead of allowing other people to tell you when and how much to eat – is truly empowering. It can help you reach and maintain your goals. If this doesn't come easy for you at first, keep practicing. It does get easier the more you do it, and it will build your confidence in advocating for yourself.
Ready to Tackle Those Cravings Head-On?
One of the biggest reasons food pushers can derail us is when we're already battling strong cravings. If you're ready to gain even more control over your food choices and stop those insistent sugar cravings in their tracks, I've got a free guide just for you!